Robert Wheeler Forbes
February 22, 1923 to January 8, 2010
Eulogy
by Barry Robert (Bart) Forbes
"Well land's sake, look who's here!"
That was my dad frequent welcome for any visitor. That's what he said when he met my Tony for the first time. Afterwards, Tony was a bit confused. "Did he like me? Seems like he was insulting me all the time." I laughed. "That means you're family. Joking like that is his way of saying that he feels comfortable with you."
I explained that to really know my dad, you had to understand what he didn't say.
For example. When I was about ten, I remember he took me camping in the Big Gully. I proudly wore my first cowboy hat, a big white straw one. And wouldn't you know, we had a huge thunderstorm that night. I was huddling, cold and wet under the trees, with my wonderful cowboy hat sopping and flopping about my ears.
My dad didn't say "stop feeling sorry for yourself." Instead, he told me to look at the lightning through the trees – how beautiful it was. And he was right. I felt a whole let less sorry for myself and enjoyed the incredible fireworks in the trees.
When I look back, I believe I know my dad better by what he didn't say.
He didn't say "I love you" a lot – especially when I was growing up. But he worked 50, 60, 70 hours a week – and even changed careers – to give us a home and an education. For his kids and grandkids, he went to every game, concert, and event possible. And he shared his passion for sports and travelling in the southwest.
Later, he didn't say "I feel scared and vulnerable." Instead, he tried to compensate by controlling the things around him – and certainly the people around him. "I need a ham sandwich." "Where's my paper?"
And he didn't say "thank you" or "I'm sorry" much. But in the end, he chose to go as quickly and quietly as possible. Without a lot of fuss.
Let us pray.
O Lord we pray, as we reflect on the life of Robert Wheeler Forbes, give us the insight to understand everything he didn't say.
We pray that he now understands everything that we didn't say or do.
And we pray that whenever we feel cold and miserable and alone – or maybe just having a bad hat day – that you remind us to look up, look out, and appreciate the flashes of beauty and love that surround us every day. Especially today.
In your name O lord we pray.
Amen.